I am sick of this Dance!
by GaelynJade
Summary: Harm's actions leading up to and throughout the talk in Mac's state-room during her TAD assignment.


Disclaimer: I don't own them, just like to have a little fun every once in awhile.

Summary: Harm's actions leading up to and throughout the talk in Mac's state-room during her TAD assignment.

I Am So Sick Of This Dance.

Harm's POV

I am sitting on my bed with the phone in my hand, holding it to my ear waiting to be connected to Mac on the other end. She went TAD to the Guadalcanal before I had a chance to get back to talk to her. I went to Minnesota with Renee, my current girlfriend, to her father's funeral. I felt really bad about going, I had a responiblity to Renee but I told Mac to come talk to me. I was torn between the two women in my life right now - my girlfriend and my bestfriend. I am broken out of my thoughts when I hear her voice come over the line.

"Lieutenant Colonel MacKenzie." It's so good to hear her voice.

"Mac...It's Harm."

"Hi."

"Hey...How are ya?...Uh...Did you not get my messages." She sounds busy, like she just got done running a marathon.

"No." She replies.

"I called you twice, I emailed you once." She had to have got at least one of them.

"It's been crazy here, Harm."

"Yeah, the admiral briefed us." She gives a sigh into the phone. I can tell by her short answers that she really doesn't want to talk to me.

"How's Renee?" Okay, maybe she wants to talk to me. I wasn't expecting her to ask that.

"Uh...She is still in Minnesota."

"When you talk to her send her my condolences." Okay, making progress.

"Mac...Uh...A TAD assignment, what's going on?" I am a bit concerned, she doesn't normally just ask for something half way across the world for no reason. Well, she's never asked for a TAD assignment before.

"It's not just me, Gunny is here, too."

"Well, that's only because your there."

"I needed to clear my head." I bet she did. I want her here with me. I want to be able to see her.

"How long are you going to be gone?" I am almost afraid to ask this question, I already know that I will not like the outcome.

"Until they replace me." I knew I wouldn't like it, it could take months to find a replacement.

"I thought that we were gonna talk when I got back?" I wasn't expecting her to be gone when I got back.

"Well, I guess it will have to be when I get back."

"You aren't trying to avoid me are you?" I already know that this conversation is going to be ending very soon. Her answers to my questions are getting shorter or choppier as I ask them.

"Harm, I can hardly hear you. Let me call you when I get a moment." Okay, wasn't expecting it to be this soon.

"Are you going to get a moment?" I already know that I won't hear from her, again. She is closing me off and I don't know how to get through to her.

"Talk to you soon."

The next thing I know I hear the dial tone. I replace the phone back on the night stand next to my bed and head to the kitchen. I need a glass of water. Why did she have to go? I really wanted to straighten things out between us. I miss her and its only been five days since I last seen her. I need to think. I grab a glass out of the cabinet above the toaster-oven and fill it half way with water, taking a couple of sips I decide I need to think, and the only way to do that is to go running. Too bad I can't though. My leg still isn't healed enough for me to run my usual ten miles, I don't need to hurt myself.

Tomorrow is Monday and it will be my second week back to work since the accident. I need to go back, if I am left with my thoughts much longer I will go crazy. I decide to call it a night and react into the medicine cabinet and grab the bottle for Tylenol PM. I shake two into my hand and swallow them with the water that I just poured myself. I head back to my bedroom and after pulling my t-shirt off I lay down on my back staring up at the ceiling.

**The next morning.**

Beep.Beep.Beep. I slam my hand down on the annoying machine to my left. I didn't realize I was so tired. I dozed off. I really don't want to go back to work knowing that Mac isn't going to be there. I drag myself to the shower and turn the water on. I push my shorts off my hips and step into the spray. After I am finished, I step out and head straight to my closet for my summerwhites and spend the next forty-five minutes getting ready before I am out the door and on my way to work.

**JAG Headquarters**

**Falls Church, Va**

I step off the elevator and head straight for my office to place my briefcase on my desk. I need a cup of coffee, unfortunately I can't carry both or I would stop by the breakroom first. I am about five feet from my office when Petty Officer Tiner tells me that the weekly staff meeting is in ten minutes.

"Okay, Tiner. Thank you."

"You're Welcome, Sir." That kid has a good head on his shoulders.

I get to the breakroom for my coffee and head onto the conference room for the meeting. I am only carrying a legal pad and a pen. I don't have any cases, I cleared my last one up on Wednesday before I left for Minnesota. As soon as the Admiral walks in Bud announces his entry with an 'attention on deck', in which case everyone stands up, pretty fast except me. My leg or knee, however you want to look at it, is still giving me problems.

"At ease, people." He seems in a good mood.

"Good to have you back, Commander. How are you feeling? How is Renee?" Yes, good mood, indeed.

"I'm doing good, Sir, thank you. And Renee is fine considering the circumstances."

"That's understandable."

"Okay, people, there is nothing new this week, except a case that will take one of you to the Guadalcanal." At the mention on this my ears perk up.

"A marine major is being charged with murder. Since Lieutenant Colonel MacKenzie is there she will be prosecuting, I am going to send one of you to head the defense." Before I know it my mouth is talking.

"I'll do it, Sir. I have no cases right now."

"Commander, I don't want to send you to a ship with your leg like it is."

"I'll be fine, Sir. My leg is better. I don't need my cane anymore and I am starting to run a bit now." I new this wasn't true but I needed to see Mac and make sure that she was okay.

"Alright, Commander. Tiner has sent up the flight for 1145 hours this morning, as soon as this meeting is over you should go pack."

"Aye, Sir."

For the rest of the meeting the Admiral just got up to date with everyones cases. I left as soon as I could and making it home just in time to give me about thirty minutes to pack before leaving for Andrews AFB.

I am not looking forward to this flight at all but I will do what I have to, to get to Mac.

**USS Guadalcanal**

**Indian Ocean**

I arrive on the plane and am told that I am to report to the Captain on the bridge. I head straight there and when I get there I am informed that the major that I am defending is being handed his papers within the next twenty minutes . I need to got talk to my client and see what exactly is going on, but, moreso I just want to find Mac. The captain dismisses me from the bridge and I head straight to my quarters which right next to Mac's quarters, her door is open but she is gone.

I go down to the Officer's Mess to grab me a bite to eat, I had a flight re-fuel in germany but since then I haven't had anything to eat. I am hungry. As soon as I walk into the mess I hear her voice no doubt handing my client his papers.

"This is a list of the charges against you, Major." I hear her say.

"You informed me only yesterday, Ma'am."

"This makes it official."

"How did you become my enemy, Colonel. We don't even know each other."

"That is why you shouldn't take it personally."

"I take personally any document that accuses me of murder. Do you honestly feel that the preceeding are warranted, Ma'am?"

"That is a question for your attorney." My defendant is a little upset I have been standing here watching them for about thirty seconds. I think I will step in now.

"His attorneys answer is no. Major Lasley is being railroaded." I look directly in her eye as I say this. She takes a deep breath and looks from me to the Major a couple of times. I totally caught her off guard by showing up. She looks back at me.

"Your representing the Major."

"Yeah, I just arrived on board."

"I wasn't aware that you knew the Colonel, Commander?" Major Lasley asks this question.

"We are stationed together."

"This isn't going to cause some sort of problem, is it, Sir?"

"You will be well represented, Major." I reply, I look up to see Mac still looking at me.

"Mac, I don't like the way this spells, when was the last time you seen a special court martial conveened for an officer."

"Captain's Priviledge." She sounds pissed. I guess I should have informed her that I was coming but I really didn't have the time.

"Which bring me to my next question - why did the skipper bypassing a process that would give my client a more reasonable review."

"I can't answer for the skipper." Oh yeah, she's pissed.

"Well let me answer for you. I think the captain is reluctant to turn over these preceeding to another conveening authority because he doesn't want to give up the control. I think the captain wants the major off this ship and fast Mac. In fact, I think this whole thing is being handled without appropriate regard to due process and smacks the offical command influence." Know she is glaring at me, only a way that Mac does though. I learned that early on, she cannot out right glare at me in public but she gives me that look that tells me I am not liked at the moment.

"Can you prove this?" Oooohhh, Fiesty.

"Hhmm...Can you prove I'm wrong?" I got ya.

"Good Luck." She then turns around and leaves the mess hall. I need to find her later and talk to her but for the next hour and a half I sit and go over everything with my client. I leave when we are through and head to Mac's quarters. I stop in the door way and see her typing on the computer. I knock gently on the frame. She turns to look at me.

"Can I come in?" She looks like she is in a better mood.

"Sure." I walk in slowly and place my cover on the top bunk in her room.

"You know why I requested this assignment?" I turn to look at her with my hands on my hips.

"Ayyyy...Uh... No." She looks so good considering...

"Cause...I needed to talk to you and I knew that you wouldn't call me back. I don't get it Mac, when Brumby left, you asked for my help." I talk with my voice lowered, with the door open, nobody needs to know her and my problems.

"I'm handling it."

"Halfway around the world." I state matter of fact, like.

"It seemed like the right thing to do." She shrugs her shoulders. She looks so lost.

"You're running, Mac. Tell me what's going on?" I want to be there for her, like I wanted to be there for her that night, when Mic left.

"Nu...Nothing." She stutters.

"Let me in. Tell me what you are feeling."

"Pressured. What...Why are you doing this?" She doesn't want to talk about it. I need to see that she is going to be okay and the only way that she is going to get past this is if she talks about it.

"Because I told you I would."

"Wait a minute. Your talking to me now because you feel guilty about not doing it then?"

"You're angry with me. Renee's father died." Okay, so this is not the direction that I wanted this to go.

"And if he hadn't?"

"We would have talked." I want to show her that I am here.

"About what?" What did she just ask me?

"About Us?" I thought we were talking about the same thing all along.

"That is why I left, Harm. There is no 'Us'... there is you and Renee." Oh man, I never looked at it from her point of view.

"What are you willing to give up to have me?" 'Anything'

"Mic gave up his career and his country, would you sacrifice your girlfriend?"

"What, your are testing me?" Where is she getting these questions.

"Well, would you?" I don't know how to answer this question. Anything I say is going to come out wrong.

"What if I did?" A neutral standpoint, I gave her a neutral answer.

"Just answer the question, Harm." I don't know what to say, I want to hug her so bad.

"As long as you answer mine." I need this answer.

"I am so sick of this dance." And before I know what happened to this conversation, she starts to walk off. What did I say? What did I do? I do the first thing that I can think of.

I turn around and see her back to me. I take a step and grab her upper left arm and pull her back to me. Granted I was raised a gentleman and I would never lay a hand on a woman to harm her but I can't stop myself when she looks at me, her eyes grow big in shock as I press my lips to hers. She gasps and I take advantage of this as I slip my tongue in her mouth. I reach around her with both of my hands, one goes to the back of her head pressing her mouth more firmly against mine, the other reaches out and shuts the door to her stateroom. There are people walking by and they don't need to see this - not that anyone is paying attention.

After about ten seconds of the kiss, she looses the shock and brings her hands up to my chest pushing against me, she obviously wants me away from her now. I take the hand that has just closed the door and I bring it around her body to her back and press her more firmly against me. She finally gives in on my chest and her arms slide up to wrap around my neck, she starts kissing me back, as I feel her tongue enter my mouth I do everything I can not to pass out. She is a damn good kisser. As I struggle with my wanting to continue to kiss her or the need for oxygen, I realize oxygen won this battle.

As I pull my mouth away from hers, breathing heavily, I place a tiny kiss against her bottom lip before I look down into her eyes, to find her watching me intently. We speak at the same time.

"What did you do that for?" "I'm sorry."

Her face just falls a little before I realize I need to add something to the end of that apology.

"Oh No, Mac, I'm not sorry for kissing you I just...Ah...I just didn't know how to answer you."

She looks confused...theres only one thing to do...and I kiss her again. This time she is a willing participant and I slowly walk her backwards to the bulkhead and press my body against hers as I run my hands down her sides and rest them on her waist. We continue our little make out session for about fifteen minutes before there is knock on the door.

I reluctantly release my lips from hers and just look at her.

Swollen lips, blurry eyes. Man, I did that to her. And she is beautiful.

"You are sooo beautiful." She smiles.

The person at the door knocks again and says something.

"Ma'am, are you in there?" It's gunny. "Colonel MacKenzie?"

"Just a second, Gunny!" She slowly pushes me away and wipes the lipstick from my mouth. I look down her front and smile, she does the same and looks back up at me with a glare.

"Harm, we need to talk but can you at least leave my shirt on for five seconds. Here stand behind the door." She says in a whisper.

"Okay, I'll try." I smile as she hurrys to button up the top 4 buttons and opening the door as soon as the last one is fastened.

"Hi, Gunny. Sorry I was taking a nap."

"That is okay ma'am I just wanted to tell you that Major Lasley case has been dismissed."

I stand in the corner of her room behind the door. I am allowed to be in here just not with the door closed. And it was closed for a while, probably twentyfive minutes or more. I smile to myself at that.

"What, why did it get dismissed?"

"Someone confessed to the murder and we have him in the brig. I just wanted to let you know."

"Thank you, gunny."

"You're Welcome, Ma'am. By the way, have you seen the commander?" My ears perk up at my name.

"I seen him in the mess about and hour ago. You can probably try there."

"Okay, Ma'am. Thank you. I just want to let him know he is on the 2000 hours COD, scheduled for tomorrow, since he doesn't need to defend anybody now."

"Understandable. I'm going to lay back down, Gunny. See you for supper."

"Okay, Ma'am." She shuts the door and leans back against it.

Before she has time to stop me I walk over to her and press my body to hers and start to kiss her again. This time she is a willing participant. We kiss for a while before I start to kiss down her neck. She slowly pushes me back.

"We can't, Harm."

"I know, I just thought that I would try." I smile and she smiles back.

"Mac, I just want you to know that I would give up anything to be with you. And if I have to prove that to you then so be it. I know now may not be the right time to bring it up but me and Renee are through. And I just want to be with you. I'm sorry I wasn't there to talk when..."

She places her fingers over my mouth and I nip at them.

"Stop, Harm. I'm being serious. I want to be with you, too. I'm sorry I have been ignoring your messages and phone calls, I just wasn't sure. I am now, though."

They only thing I can do is kiss her. Its sweet and short but nonetheless its special.

"I am so glad you said that. I need to go find Gunny and get out of here before I jump your bones..." At this she starts laughing that beautiful sound that is just hers. I smile, too. It's the truth though.

I give her one last kiss and pry myself away from her and as I am leaving to go find gunny I stop in the doorway and tell her I will see her at dinner.

**A few hours later...**

We are walking back from possibly the best dinner that I have ever had. While, Gunny was looking for me, he was called to the bridge and they had informed him that there was a replacement for Mac that was landing on the late night COD. She would be flying back with me on the COD tomorrow night. I was ecstatic. I though that this TAD would have been at least a couple of months but it turns out to only have been six days. As we are walking back to our rooms that are next to each other I look both ways down the hall. Not many people come down this hallway this time of day, most everybody is still at dinner. As we stop outside her door, she turns and smiles up at me and I lean slowly down to kiss her. It starts as a tiny peck but it soon escalates and I have my hand on the back of her head, kissing the daylights out of her. I hear someone in the distance coming up the stairs and reluctantly let go of her and move my mouth to her ear, I whisper "I love you, Sarah MacKenzie", I hear her breath catch but before she has a chance to say anything, I turn and enter my stateroom.

I walk over and lay on my bed. I just breath. All is right in my world.

**The End.**

Thanks for reading and of course review to tell me what you thought.


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